if, just if.

The first year of college is great for starting over and getting things to be the way you want them. So why, then, is it that I still feel out of the loop?

I don't care if people like me--there's never going to be a time where everybody likes me. So, instead of being liked, it was my goal to be included. It hasn't happened yet. It's been almost half a year, and not much is changed. Holy crap, what else do I have to do?





I might not have been able to stop the kid from slitting his wrists, but I could have remained calm, and gotten the shit done. I could have delegated someone to call the police; I could have taken care of the kid until the ambulance got there. I might not be a doctor, but I've got basic training under my belt, and I know I can stay calm under pressure.

But because nobody bothers to tell me about any party, I can't go out and have fun... or attempt to keep some depressed guy alive. I hear everything from other people, either when I should or shouldn't be listening... It's kind of how I find out about lots of things.

It sucks that somebody I know loses sleep over something that I might have been able to help out with. Hell, if I was there, I'd probably still think about it, play it over and over in my head... But, I'd know that I tried, and that I was there to help.


If only, if only...